Fitting In: Peer Pressure and the Push to Conform

Picture this: You’ve just made some amazing new friends in college. It feels like you’ve finally found your people!

At one night’s hangout sesh, you bring up your all-time favorite band that’s been your comfort music since middle school. 

One friend laughs, and another says, Really?

That’s your favorite band? Of all time?

You brush it off at first, but over time you notice yourself listening to that band less and less. 

Whether or not this exact story sounds familiar, we’ve all been there in some way or another. Making friends can sometimes lead to changes in yourself.

But if I make supportive friends who love me for me, why do I end up changing myself in the process? 

To understand why we sometimes change ourselves to fit in, we first need to understand our desire for belonging.

As humans, we’re wired to want to belong and form meaningful connections. 

As a college student, these feelings of belonging and acceptance are even more important. 

In students, a sense of belonging can help protect mental health and even aid academic success.

Belonging is critical for our wellbeing, and we will go to great lengths to feel it.

But making friends doesn’t always mean you feel socially accepted. If you feel markedly different from them, you might find yourself wondering, Do I really fit in?

So, how do we find this sense of belonging? 

Seeking acceptance, we often adjust our own behaviors or values to fit the norms of our social circle. 

Psychology calls this “social conformity.” It can show up in the way you talk, dress, behave, and even the way you think. 

Don’t panic. This isn’t inherently a bad thing! 

In fact, social conformity is a really important piece in building communication and understanding in our social circles.

It helps us maintain social harmony, which is valuable for you and your relationships.

Most importantly, it’s a normal and necessary part of growing in our lives and relationships. 

After all, how else would we grow and develop as people? 

Despite the benefits, you may get an uneasy feeling when hearing the word “conformity.” 

Like most things, there is a negative side to social conformity. We’ve all heard it, and we’ve all been warned about it…

Peer pressure. 

When the need for acceptance gets complicated, there can be pressure from your social circles to change. Not conforming can be met with disapproval or even rejection. 

If I don’t skip class to hang out with them, they’ll be really disappointed. 

It can even become something more harmful that could put you or someone else in harm's way.

The real consequences come when we start casting aside our critical-thinking skills and let peer pressure influence our decisions. 

One night, your friends decide it would be fun to sneak into a nearby construction site. You’re nervous, and you’ve never really done anything like that before.

But, everyone else is going… I guess it’ll be fine.

This phenomenon is called “groupthink,” where members let the group’s norms guide their every decision to avoid conflict and maintain cohesion. 

In your quest to fit in, it’s crucial not to lose sight of your independence. 

If you’re going against your values, beliefs, or morals just to fit in or keep the peace, it may be time to reflect on your current friendships.

Do you feel comfortable being yourself and expressing your values?

So, how do you keep friends while still keeping yourself? 

Firstly, choose friends that respect you. Surround yourself with people who like you for you, respect your values and your time, and push you to be better.

Secondly, identify your values and set firm personal boundaries. Resisting negative social pressures is easier when you know yourself and your moral code.  

Remember that social conformity can be a wonderful thing when your social circle encourages healthy habits. 

As long as you are maintaining your authentic self, allow space for positive influence and growth. 

If you’re unsure whether social conformity is helping or hurting in your own life, ask yourself; 

Am I growing in my relationships, or am I losing myself in them?

In my effort to keep friends, am I remembering to keep myself?

Team Souloxy